Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Big Pun-Still Not A Playa


Big Pun arrives at the docks via chopper to meet Joe to go to their respective clubs. When Pun uses his chopper alarm clicker all in attendance are startled, prompting them to reach for what the viewer would imagine are their guns. All have a good laugh about the situation and hug.


The duo arrive at their adjoined clubs, named Joe's and Big Pun's. After thinking things over for a moment, Pun decides to enter Joe's, and Joe enters Big Pun's. Pun enters Joe's and the performer is removed from the stage so Pun can rap. The club is packed. In Big Pun's, Joe is surrounded by numerous voluptuous women while he sings; one of the women has a Chihuahua (lax health standards?). Pun then also raps in some sort of disco-ball room, which could possibly be located in the back of Joe's. He is alone.


Fat Joe shows up and is apparently up to some mischief, as his body movements would imply. Fat Joe peeks into Big Pun's, and then peeks into Joe's. The performance continues. Fat Joe makes his way to a different backroom in Joe's (not the disco-ball room), and looks through a peephole and observes that the party is still going strong at Big Pun's. Pun now raps surrounded by beautiful women. Fat Joe scratches his head while forming a mischievous plan.


Pun arrives in an alley lit by white string bulbs on a motor-scooter, and also raps on a corner in the rain at night while his assistant holds an umbrella for him. He also raps in the alley while sitting on the scooter.


Fat Joe once again looks through the peephole; the party is still going off, and he smiles widely as he has formulated a plan. His motives are unclear. Joe shows up in the alley to dance, sans Pun. As the revelers continue to dance, Joe is shown on a stage dancing by spotlight, and The Terror Squad also dances in the spotlight.


Fat Joe gains access to the main circuit-breaker for both clubs, and his plan comes to fruition when he cuts power to both Joe's and Big Pun's. Fat Joe winks into the camera, apparently very pleased with himself. All watch as the lights go off in the clubs. As everyone spills out of both clubs, there is a moment of confusion, until the revelers simply continue dancing and enjoying themselves.


Fat Joe is briefly shown surrounded by women (one wonders if his subterfuge was unknown to them), Big Pun exits the alley on his motor-scooter, and also walks of the corner with his assistant in tow.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Notorious B.I.G-Mo' Money Mo' Problems


Puffy Woods is about to attempt the winning putt at the Bad Boy World Champion PGA Tour, hoping to knock off three time champ Fuzzy Badfeet; Mase Gumbel is reporting. As Mase commentates, Puffy sinks the birdie putt and wins, leaps into the air in jubilation, and it is noted that, "he is unstoppable."


As dancers clad in white dance in front of pyrotechnics, Puffy and Mase intermittently rap in various locations. The locations include: a space station of sorts where they wear yellow goggles, a space warp tunnel where they wear red running suits, and a spot in front of the Unisphere where they wear bluish metallic outfits.


The action stops for a moment and Mase, back on the golf course, asks Puffy how he feels about winning the Bad Boy World Champion PGA Tour. Puffy thanks his deceased friend, The Notorious B.I.G. for metaphysical help on the winning putt and telling him to cool out. Mase then asks Puffy if winning the tour means mo' money, mo' problems for Puffy, and Puffy laments, that it does.


The aforementioned action then continues.


Archival video footage of B.I.G. follows, and he too laments that mo' money means mo' problems, while barely managing to breath. B.I.G.'s verse is then shown as archival footage; Puffy and Mase watch it from the space station, and the video is shown at a white clothes themed dance party as people dance.


As the various scenes described above are repeated, Puffy boards a car in order to leave the Bad Boy World Champion PGA Tour in slow motion, and other men walk in slow motion. A final scene, briefly shown in the very beginning is re-inserted, showing Mase and Puffy in slow motion in front of explosions and falling money.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Gang Starr-The Militia


A gang of crotch-rocket riding female assassins is dispatched to kill "The Militia," a crew that is made up of Big Shug, Guru, and Freddie Foxxx.


Big Shug is caught up in a bar fight and is dispatched by a grenade, even if when he's "caught up in a jam [he'll] blast his way out." He fought to his death.


Guru is caught up by a motorcycle helmet wearing assassin in an abandoned building and is pushed out a window to his death. He falls for a long time.


Freddie Foxxx drives for a while while rapping, and then is pursued by assassins on motorcycles. He posts at some spot, and then it is revealed that Big Shug and Guru had not in fact died; Big Shug had a protective steel wall put in place just before the grenade was thrown, and Guru had in fact fallen on a flatbed truck covered with cardboard boxes driven by Big Shug. As the assassins face off with a rejuvenated Militia, the ending is left to the viewers interpretation.

Nas-Street Dreams


Nas is chilling with the dude from The Sapranos that got shot and then had his head run-over, in a bad, bad suit. In the desert. He gets in a car and is blown up.


What follows is a montage of Nas in Las Vegas doing stuff for the guy from Sapranos; at some point Nas' girl is involved with some dude that gets mashed out by the Sapranos guy. Nas is bummed or something. I forget. Then it goes back to the original scene with dialogue, and Nas gets blown up again.